


no matter how heavy my head

by unsaved_misc



Series: danger au [2]
Category: Video Blogging RPF, supermega
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Bathing/Washing, Danger AU, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of Violence, Recovery, Sort Of, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:27:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26002642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unsaved_misc/pseuds/unsaved_misc
Summary: carson takes a bath.danger au: ryan finds a book and discovers that whatever he writes in it comes true. he becomes obsessed with the book, and matt and carson start to notice. he becomes violent, and after a struggle, the book is destroyed and ryan cannot remember any of his actions.
Relationships: Carson Tucker/Matt Watson
Series: danger au [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1887319
Kudos: 5





	no matter how heavy my head

**Author's Note:**

> aaaaaa!!! just wanted to write something kinda soft but also kinda angsty :)) if u have questions about the au or need context send me asks on my tumblr (honeybunwatson) !!!

the bathtub was always a safe place for carson. it was weird to find a porcelain, 6-foot tub as a safe haven from the dangers of the world outside, but carson felt some sort of attraction to it. when he was a child, back when he was afraid of thunderstorms, he’d clamber into the tub and close the shower curtains, huddled and shaking. it felt like the storm couldn’t reach him there, that if the ceiling collapsed on top of him, he’d be curled in a ball and safe from the damage. the thought stayed with him as he got older: sitting in the tub whenever a random panic attack would occur, laying down inside during a day of hungover head pains. and now, after the incident that carson was desperate not to think of, he spent almost every waking moment in that bathtub. matt’s bathtub to be exact. every time ryan would mess with him, stick a knife in his hand and magically make it disappear, or burn cigarettes into his skin, carson would retreat to the bathroom and lock the door shut, desperate that ryan wouldn’t kick it down.  
he’d sit in the bath, tears running down his trembling face, and he’d listen to the silence. beautiful, comfortable silence. silence in which he’s safe, unharmed, just waiting patiently for matt to get home. now that it was over, the danger, at least, carson had some semblance of normalcy except for the trauma that followed him everywhere like a dark cloud. he’d wake up late, dark circles under his eyes and a large comforter wrapped around him, and his first actions were to walk into the bathroom and sit in the tub. a gnawing fear sat in his stomach, saying that ryan would come to the bathroom and return to his psychotic self, try to kill him for the last time. that never happened, of course, but carson’s thoughts got the better of him.

the only difference this time is that matt was always around to check on him. he’d usually bring him breakfast, a nervous smile on his face, unsure of the barriers. he’d stick around and talk with carson, discussing new songs and showing him movies on his macbook, carson too nervous to make the walk into the living room. he expected matt to urge him, to make him go into the living room without a choice, but he never brought it up. it took carson a while to realize that matt wasn’t going to hurt him.   
on this particular day, matt volunteered to help carson take a bath. carson was nervous at first, but he knew he couldn’t stay dirty forever. he sat on the edge of the tub, watching the running, warm water swirl against the porcelain. he heard footsteps coming down the hall, steeling himself until he saw matt enter the room with a smile on his face.   
“hey.”  
carson just nodded with a small smile, looking back at the water. he wanted to make it as hot as possible.   
“you ready?” matt asked, setting a pair of fresh, clean clothes on the sink before leaning against it. carson nodded again, though he still felt anxious. taking a bath meant taking off his clothes, which meant...well. matt would have to see.  
“i...i didn’t want you to be nervous.” matt admits, and carson just nods for a third time, unsure of what to say. “i don’t know. i just wanna help.” he looks at carson, waiting for an answer, but carson just stares at him and tries to put on a thankful, encouraging expression.  
they waited in silence for the tub to fill, and at a reasonable height, carson shut off the water. he stands, staring down at the ground and avoiding his eyes. he slips off his oversized sweater, folding it neatly and setting it on the floor, and he could already feel matt’s eyes burning holes into him. he shouldn’t have agreed to this. matt would worry, and he’d look concerned, and it would make carson sick to his stomach. despite this, he looks up at matt, and he can see his eyes look wet with tears. he’s chewing his lip, eyes darting over carson’s chest, and carson watches his fist clench and unclench. carson wants to say something, but he doesn’t.  
matt stutters, blinking, before he finally says something.  
“how long?”   
normally, someone would’ve asked for more context to that kind of question, but both boys knew what it was implying, the one dire scenario that happened just a few days ago. matt sees it every night when he closes his eyes. he hears the yelling, the crying, the choking, the laughing. he feels the pain that carson went through, the guilt on ryan’s face, the tearing anger inside himself for not fucking doing anything. he watches carson, covered in purpling bruises and sharp cuts, cigarette burns lining his arms and dark fingerprints against the skin of his neck, a swollen black eye standing out on his face. he chews his lip. he can’t remember the last time he spoke out loud.  
“3 weeks.” he admits, though he knows the exact date it started, the exact time. matt doesn’t know what to do, so he just nods, turning his face and wiping his eyes roughly with the back of his hand. they don’t say anything else, matt turning away so carson can strip down completely, and carson clambers into the tub. the water is hot, but he doesn’t hiss, doesn’t flinch away. he sits down quickly, curling his knees up to his chest. once carson is fully in the water, matt turns back around and kneels by his side, smiling up at his face. he grabs a cup, a washcloth, and a soap bar, and he starts.

“can i?” matt asks, and carson nods. matt lathers the washcloth in soap and water, and starts to wash carson’s arms and back. carson flinches, but he stays still, breathing slowly. matt can tell he’s doing exercises that he learned from matt himself: breathing in 4, holding for 4, and exhaling out 4.   
“you’re doing good.” matt mumbles, running the cloth back and forth over carson’s bruised skin. carson mainly takes it well, flinching and wincing occasionally when matt runs over a bad wound, but breathing calmly and eventually letting his stiffened shoulders relax. matt continues to encourage and praise him as he works, filling a cup with bathwater and pouring it gently over carson’s head. carson giggled, and that was the best thing matt had heard that day. it was taking a while, but carson was making progress, and that meant something. matt squirted some shampoo into his hands, rubbing them together, and with carson’s permission, began to scrub his scalp. despite touch being something that carson hated these days, something about matt’s hands in his hair made his body calm down entirely. he closes his eyes, letting his head fall a bit, and matt takes notice, smiling.   
“you feelin’ okay?” he asks, and carson nods, a tiny smile on his face. matt resumes scrubbing his hair and rinsing it clean, moving it back from his face. they sit in silence for a moment, eyes locked, and carson can see how tired matt looks. there’s a strain between his eyes, dark circles beneath them, his hair mussed and unkept. carson knows it’s because of him and ryan, and he feels guilt pulling at his heart. he wishes he could take a day to help matt too, to take care of him like he’d done for carson every single day, and he makes a mental note for the future.

matt holds out his palm against the porcelain, and carson stares at it, sitting in his safe space with his safe person. he trembles, reaching out and taking matt’s hand, and he feels matt’s fingers grasp around his own. matt’s hand, surprisingly, feels warm and and soft, and carson doesn’t want to let go. matt, cautiously, lifts carson’s hand up to his mouth, pressing his lips to it in a gentle kiss. carson isn’t sure how to feel about it, but he cheeks heat up, one of the first genuine feelings he’s had in weeks. matt looks like he regrets it, but he doesn’t say anything, just sets carson’s hand back down and doesn’t let go. 

they sit until the bathwater gets cold.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope u enjoyed !!!


End file.
